Before You Can Say, Jiminy Cricket!

I get a kick out of reading stats on risk assessment. For example, "if you eat so many helpings of broccoli per day you will reduce your risk of getting cancer by such and such a percent," or "if you exercise three times a week..." and blah, blah, blah it goes.

When you get pregnant there are a host of other ones like anything from caffeine intake to highlighting your hair. The idea is to minimize any potential risks of harming your baby, a very good thing to do. However, in my opinion that whole idea gets tossed out the window the minute your baby comes out. Before you can say, "Jiminy cricket," you've been launched into a carrier that you cannot change your mind about with absolutely no previous experience.

Imagine: someone wakes up and decides he/she would like to be a doctor. So without going to school for it this person sets up an office to see patients. Sure, this person has been a patient him/herself and has seen a lot of shows on TV about doctors and seems to have a general idea of what a doctor does. But seriously, would anyone ever go see such a "doctor?" Obviously not, it's a no brainer, right? Observation does not equal qualification.

I know people say that nine months of pregnancy is to help prepare a woman for becoming a mom. But let's face it, it really doesn't. It might be uncomfortable to be pregnant or even difficult to sleep well or turn corners, but it offers absolutely no experience at being a mom. I'm surprised there are no universities that offer a BA in Motherhood. What's up with that? For everything else there is a degree. In fact, so many menial jobs require a degree. That makes no sense. We're talking about baby humans whose physical, emotional and spiritual development and well-being are reliant on rookie care.

I remember when my baby was born Christopher and I were worried we were going to break her, she seemed so fragile. Was she starving? Was one eye bigger than the other? Is she still breathing? Was she comfortable? Was she in pain? Would her belly button fall off OK? Why was she rolling her eyes back? Was the soft spot on her head too big?

Many, I think, would say that I was well prepared to have a baby. When I was only six years old I changed my baby brother's diapers and gave him baths. As an adult I was in charge of two age groups at a daycare for several years, babysat all kinds of babies in all kinds of situations. Yet when I had my very own baby I still felt overwhelmed at times and still do.

As I write this my baby is sleeping peacefully surrounded by all her little fluffy friends and two sippy cups. She is wearing a green skirt over her pajamas and her right hand/arm is adorned by a pink striped knee high sock (she seemed very pleased by how she looked). Somehow she has survived her rookie parents' care thus far and she seems to like me and her papai quite a lot and we definitely like her.

I'm happy to report that her eyes are the same size, she's been breathing well ever since she came out, her belly button fell off just fine, the soft spot on her head turned out to be the normal size and she only rolls her eyes if she annoyed (wait a minute, I'm the one who does that).

Maybe that is why there is no degree in Motherhood. You can only learn as you go. There is no other way.