Parenthood equals being humbled...

...over and over again. Have you ever heard the expression, "Kids are a gift from God?" Like my brother said recently, it's really true, but not the way one may think.

I used to think of how being a mom was a real privilege...and it is for sure.

I used to think of how wonderful it would be to see the combination of myself and my husband in another human being...and it is wonderful.

I used to think of how love between a mother and her child would be like no other...and truly nothing compares.

I used to think that that was what the gift was all about...it's not.

I have been a mom for two years and nine months. I have felt and experienced all those things that I always thought I would...many many times. What I did not foresee was how overwhelmingly humbling it would be. I was recently reminiscing with Michael and Cari about how I would wax eloquent and outline my parenting philosophy in great detail. The arrogance that my words carried would make you think that I had a doctorate in child development or something. It's so embarrassing. (Maybe what's more embarrassing is that after my humbled attitude I said, "Enough of this crap, it's time to build Michelle up!" Yeah, I think that's more embarrassing)

Actually, the gift of parenthood is a lot more about being humbled.

It's humbling because I learned that I know absolutely NOTHING about parenting.

It's humbling because I see how judgemental I used to be before I was a mom toward other parents.

It's humbling because I'm so often wrong.

It's humbling because I see clearly how weak and totally selfish I am. It's crystal clear.

It's humbling because I need to ask forgiveness to my 2 year old...all the time.

It's humbling because I realize (over and over again) how I just don't have it together.

But you know, I'm OK with that, well, sort of. I'm not going to lie to you, it's not fun to be humbled. But the gift part of the deal is that in this humbling process of being a mom I find myself being more aware (as I should be anyway) of my great need of God and find my heart becoming more squishy and malleable toward his correction. For this reason I wish parenthood on every person (OK, so maybe there's a little bit of that, see-it's-not-as-easy-as-it-looks kind of vindicating attitude which only exposes how ridiculously far I am to being sufficiently humbled.) I guess it's a process of becoming more like Jesus.

So, I suppose the expression, "Kids are a gift from God, " is indeed as true as true gets, just not the way I had thought; it's better.



PS. Penélope, thank you, my lovey.